Today, a guy in flannel shirt and boots wouldn’t give a Goth chick the time of day and vice versa. There are many different little subcultures out there now (preps, biker-people, goths, traditionals, hip-hopsters, etc), and these folks upon meeting know that their tastes are going to be different right off the bat. Since our politics are very polar these days, people on the further ends of the spectrum are very interested in finding out if any prospective new “friend” holds convictions that they find disgusting. There certainly are more hoops to jump over.

One thing Ive not mentioned is that people need less friends now. There are so many things that can keep one occupied at home happily for hours on end. It can be frustrating being from another city and moving to a new place.

Thanks for the post. I know you’re a Seattlite based on talking to you over at Roissy’s blog. I offer a third way I’ve discovered in the past six months or so. Since Seattlites are uncomfortable socializing with anyone outside their group, they will run from a newcomer’s advances if they have the chance. So you have to approach them in situations and places where they can’t run. You then talk to them in a friendly, non-threatening way over a period of days. A perfect example is the coffee place I frequent near home. I started chatting with a few of the female baristas as I went in for my daily drink over the summer. At first they were all business and formality, as one would expect. But day by day, as I joked and interacted with them more, the real people finally emerged from behind the shells. I had a captive audience – they were working, and couldn’t run from my friendliness. As long as I was consistently friendly in a non-threatening, non-creepy kind of way, their fake business friendliness turned into genuine friendliness. I’ve gone out for drinks with a few of them, and was given clear indications of interest from a couple (whom I would have gone out with, had their lives not been complete messes). Don’t get me wrong – It’s ridiculous that it takes a month to get someone to actually want to be friendly. But if one is looking for anything that works, it’s an option. Incidentally, in most social situations I’m the “lion scattering the herd”, which has yet to make me friends, but it’s quite entertaining. Cheers!