As everyone knows, there are a number of women’s shelters in operation all over the country, and in these shelters women can obtain free counsel, protection, and shelter. In most cases, men are not allowed to reside in these government funded shelters, and until recently their services were often only extended to women.
People often point out that many homeless shelters are male only, but that is more for the protection of women than a desire to serve men exclusively. Additionally, there are far more homeless men than women. But it isn’t only the most desperate men who need an escape — men facing a life crisis such as divorce, a breakup, being thrown out of their home due to an ex-parte restraining order and men who need a safe environment to see their children could also benefit.
Shelter doesn’t seem like the right word, but men do need a sanctuary — a place where they can be themselves and not worry about the conflicts and competition that women often bring, even if unconsciously or without malicious intent. So far, we are starting to develop some men’s spaces online, but that really isn’t enough. There ought to be places to go unwind, escape worldly cares, heal and rest. These also should be places where we can be ourselves, discuss what we want, and perhaps even engage in a little activism.
Being simple creatures, we men don’t need all that much to be comfortable. A gym, a locker room/washroom, a kitchen with a big fridge, an office and a lounge would do the job. Maybe a couple extra rooms for rest and study, and we’d be perfectly happy. I often wonder why such places, which would be relatively cheap, don’t exist. One could say that they do exist, in the form of upscale men’s golf clubs, but for the majority of us there is really nothing like them.
The Greeks had the gymnasium, the Romans the thermae (baths) and until very recently, Englishmen and Australians had their pubs. Why is it, then, that American men have nothing of the sort? If, after all, a women’s shelter operating on taxpayer money can bar men from entry, then why can’t men have their own private establishments? Again, we go back to the law. Evidently, men did have them, but women took them away, while simultaneously setting up their own exclusive places. In Australia, women would go so far as to chain themselves to bar rails in men’s pubs to demand access.
So what we have here is yet another legal double standard, in which it is OK for women to have their special places, but not men. Unfortunately, just about the only men’s clubs left for the average guy seem to be strip clubs, which are predatory in nature and usually have connections with organized crime.
Perhaps a good approach to the problem would be to set up clubs dedicated to men’s health — both mental and physical. It would be difficult to attack such an effort, because there are already so many women’s health businesses, clinics and centers – including state-funded ones – that it would be come off as mean-spirited and unfair to do so. In fact, men’s fitness clubs have been making headway recently, which suggests that there should be social acceptance for businesses that cater to men’s health. Additionally, the idea that men’s well-being is just as important as women’s could lead to the opening of crisis centers for men in stressful situations. It’s time both women and policymakers started putting their money where their mouths are and working for true equality instead of simply using the law to punish men, and this would be a good way to do so.
If anyone cares to expand on this idea I’d appreciate it. Novaseeker, who seems to be psychic at times, wrote about men needing their own spaces in a comment on my last post, and, since I was thinking the same thing, I thought I’d write about it today. I think there’s a lot of potential here, and it goes far beyond blogging.
16 responses so far ↓
1 Lukobe // May 26, 2009 at 3:06 pm
Perhaps it is time to bring back the workingmen’s club: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Working_men%27s_club
2 Welmer // May 26, 2009 at 4:02 pm
I was just reading about those. They are evidently under legal attack in Britain.
3 Lukobe // May 26, 2009 at 4:24 pm
Why is that? (Though I probably shouldn’t be surprised given the current state of the United Kingdom.) I had thought that, traditionally, the reason women wanted access to male-only clubs, etc., were that they were centers of power. So a woman could reasonably say that she couldn’t make it the Seattle business community without being able to join the Rainier Club. OK, I can buy that. But these workingmen’s clubs surely aren’t bastions of power, are they?
I can conceive of some women who would be opposed to male-only organizations on principle, but I wonder if you, Welmer, were to set up a workingman’s club here in Seattle, they wouldn’t just leave you alone. Until your organization actually started to become a center of power — then they’d complain.
It would be interesting to see if any cases have ever been brought against places like the Women’s University Club, the Women’s Center at the UW, etc. I think the UW, Seattle Writergrrls, Digital Eve, etc., get around it by opening their membership to men — it’s just that very few men want to join. I wonder if the Women’s University Club admits men?
Perhaps you could structure your club so that theoretically women are allowed to join, but make the focus of its activities male-oriented. Most women wouldn’t want to join such a club anyway.
4 Niko // May 26, 2009 at 5:25 pm
I’ve been thinking about this for some time and the only way around legislation is if it comes under a religious guise of some kind.
Something along the lines of a hospice that effectively functions as a shelter.
If its structured properly it could get funding and be eligible for tax treatment as a charity.
5 Lukobe // May 26, 2009 at 6:30 pm
Niko — you mean something like the Poor Clerks? A new Seattle monastic order?
6 novaseeker // May 26, 2009 at 6:35 pm
We need men’s centers. As Welmer suggests, they should have a focus on health and as women like to say “wellness”, but also study and community. Sponsoring events and get togethers and so on, on a community level. We need these spaces, and we need them now.
Walk onto any university campus. There is a women’s center. Sometimes these places offer massages during exams (women only of course). All of them offer family planning advice and a LOT of feminist (and often lesbian) programming.
But there are no men’s centers on campuses. Why? Oh the whole university is a men’s center? Oh really? When 57% of the students are women, how is the student center a men’s center?
This is just sexist discrimination against men.
But to get these centers going we need to leave aside that justified complaint and work from the grass roots up. We need these centers for our physical, social, and psychological health. We need places where men come together as men. We need places where men can share notes as men, inter-generationally as well.
We need all of these things. This is another low hanging fruit we need to work on by shoveling the gravel.
7 miles // May 26, 2009 at 6:51 pm
Private Club?
Put in on the outskirts of town on a working farm so it pays for itself. Net access, pool tables, private screening facility, library, fishing pond, small weightroom, walking trail, bar facility, several bed and breakfast-type rooms. That would take a staff of at least a couple of people though. It would take fees to be a member of that club.
A club of this type would inevitably become a center of power as men could coordinate financial and political activities from therein in secret. Im not in Seattle, but thats an idea.
I empathize with the plight of guys who have been put through the legal wringer with ex’s. Ive got several friends who have suffered the same.
8 Lukobe // May 26, 2009 at 9:46 pm
What about stuff like this? http://www.menintransition.com/groups.html
9 Niko // May 26, 2009 at 9:51 pm
I actually use a local soccer club as a substitute to the local pub. Just helps create social networks which men tend to loose as we age.
Something non denominational, along the lines of an amalgamation of a YMCA, Masonic hall, Shelter, Poor Clerks etc.
10 novaseeker // May 27, 2009 at 6:56 am
That sounds like a good service, Lukobe, for men who are in that kind of situation. I know that talk therapy was very helpful for me when I was going through my divorce. It’s great to see a center dedicated to that — there aren’t enough of those.
My idea, though, was more along the lines of what Niko or Miles were talking about –> something where men can gather, regardless of whether they are in a tough spot or not. I think Niko has it right when he says that men tend to lose social networks as we age. That is a dramatic difference from how things used to be — men used to have social networks that persisted for their lives, and they relied on them. That’s the kind of thing we need to recreate.
11 Default User // May 27, 2009 at 8:20 am
I think that is why Roissy has become popular. His blog comments are a “sanctuary” for men. It is sort of a gentlemen/workingman club.
While it focuses on pickup, you can see that many other male concerns are raised as well.
It is true that woman “are allowed” and even get flirted with etc. But they are still a sideshow and do not really alter the masculine atmosphere.
12 Lukobe // May 27, 2009 at 11:39 am
Yes, but of course the Web is no substitute for in-person interaction.
13 novaseeker // May 27, 2009 at 11:42 am
Yes Roissy’s place and a few forums perform that function, but as Lukobe says, in-person stuff is key.
14 LW // May 28, 2009 at 3:04 pm
What about stuff like this? http://www.menintransition.com/groups.html
15 Lukobe // May 29, 2009 at 1:53 am
The spammers have found you!
16 Curiepoint // May 31, 2009 at 7:43 am
Ever notice that services promoted as being for men always mentions women and their needs in the first paragraph? Yet, the name of the group is “Men In Transition”. That suggests that whether you are a man or a woman, it’s the man that needs to “transition” I’m betting that any woman in the above mentioned group serves a single purpose…to speak about how horrible her life was at the hands of her husband/boyfriend/adulerous lover, and that her story serves as an example of how the men present need to change.
Guys, we are fourth-class citizens in Western society. We are below women, gays, and tranny men. It is not acceptable to the power elite for men to gather in numbers for any purpose, because to allow it would be to allow men to think and plan amongst themselves. By banning men-only organizations, the enemy can thin our herd.
The only way I can see men-only groups and clubs is to do it the way early Christians did, by keeping meeting places fluid, and with secrecy in identifying and recognizing one another. The Masons used to be like this, but even they have to allow women in now.
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