Welmer

As we go through yet another confusing transformation of our role in society as men, the question concerning our true nature rises yet again. It is clear that there is a rejection of the “traditional” role, which has really only been the standard since the Industrial Revolution swept up most of society about a century ago, but we have little idea what comes next. Father as stolid 9-5er is pretty much out, whether we like it or not, and the gender roles that were considered proper for most of the 20th century are toppling like rotten trees in a winter storm. Men are being bled white by the old rules, not having the resources they did only 30 years ago, yet still having the same financial and social obligations foisted upon them.

However, what is still worth questioning is whether the nature of men is so malleable that we can safely remove some of the truly ancient pillars of our identity. I would say that we tried and failed to do so over the last century, and that led to some of the cataclysms that brought widespread slaughter and despair. We relegated the man to the role of protector provider only, neglecting husbandry in the true sense of the word. There is no doubt that nurturing and caring for those we love is an important part of a man’s being, but even in these supposedly progressive days we find it difficult to recognize that undeniable aspect of our nature. How could men not be caring and fostering, considering the complex world we craft with such care around our families and societies? I fully support the cultivation of the tender side of men, and feel that it is essential for a happier society, but just like women we have a dark side as well.

The dark expression of male nature is usually summed up in the word “violence,” and it is something we are undeniably capable of expressing. Violence is not an unnatural, occasional occurrence that only comes up in certain circumstances, but rather a constant current that runs beneath peaceful society like a subterranean river. As much as I would like to deny the strength of its flow, my knowledge of both history and myself as a man confirms its constant presence. Kurt Vonnegut, who saw an example of one of the most extreme expressions of human violence following the firebombing of Dresden, wrote that trying to stop war is as futile as trying to stop glaciers. So it goes.

Even so, the passions of men extend much farther than bloodlust and the desire for conquest, and we so readily ignore this that we prime our boys for battle before they even have the chance to explore their creative, constructive natures. Any man who can remember being a little boy should remember the tender love for a pet, a friend or even a project. I once had a pet cat – a little street kitten I named “Raspberry” – when I was eleven years old. I kept her in my room when she was a tiny little thing, trained her and loved her. She returned the affection, and kept me company when I went to bed. One day, when Raspberry was about six months old, she was hit by a car and killed. When I found out, I was numb for a little while, but soon I was overcome by grief. I was inconsolable for hours, crying over my dead kitten, deeply hurt by the loss. How does that sound? Is it proper for a little boy to be so sad over a dead cat? I can say that no little girl could have been any more sad than I was, but we don’t think of boys as having these kinds of feelings, despite the undeniable fact that they do. And this carries over to men — the man who loses his wife or his children is hurt as badly as anyone, but this is never acknowledged in our culture, which prefers to look the other way rather than confront the reality of his suffering. It is no wonder, then, that some men, when deprived of what they love act out their grief with suicide, or more rarely, murder.

Despite the fact that the deepest passions of most men are of a fundamentally good nature, it is worth noting that they have the potential to provoke brutality. Our wars are fought for those ideals that fill us with the deepest sense of love and duty. Our love of our land, our people and society is called “patriotism,” which has been blamed for many a slaughter. The exquisite passion of religion – for Christians, for example, the image of Christ’s final act of sacrifice – can rally armies to march and lay waste to the perceived enemy. An interplay of passion and violence wells up from time to time like a tide, and can be seen on a large or small scale, expressed in innumerable ways. One of the foremost goals of society and government is to control these passions and channel them into constructive activity. However, the key to understanding men – and perhaps humanity in general – is that although our passions can be dammed and channeled through various social constructs, they cannot be contained indefinitely.

If, today, we demand that men cork their passions, and simultaneously create a spiritual ferment through unjust, oppressive laws, couldn’t we be creating a great deal of pressure? In fact, couldn’t this actually be a dangerous situation? It seems to me that as we channel men’s lives into ever narrower confines while denying them the opportunity to express their passions in a constructive manner, men will find an outlet that is not so healthy for society in general.

When seen in these terms, it is difficult to be optimistic about the future, because the logic of contemporary American society has already taken us thus far, and future challenges will likely be dealt with as they have for the past several decades, during which increased law enforcement, transfer of wealth, and draconian laws have been brought to bear when men act out at all. Therefore, the response to men who are acting out due to an inherently unjust system that denies them the freedom to live as they would like will simply be more of the same, which will result in even more male delinquency, thus perpetuating the problem until one day we wake up and find ourselves in a totalitarian state in which very few men are happy at all.

I don’t know if this will ultimately be the result of our current system of governance, but it would take some revolutionary changes to prevent it from happening, because we are already at least halfway there. The eventual outcome of a society that blatantly oppresses men is bound to be ugly, and it would be in the best interests of those guiding policy to take note of this and start thinking about some new solutions to the trouble we’re brewing right here at home.