Carin Rubenstein, author of The Superior Wife Syndrome, argues that in two out of three marriages the wife is “superior” to the husband; that is, she works harder and does more around the house, drives better, is smarter, etc. She suggests that the Homer/Marge Simpson marriage is the norm, and many husbands could never survive without wives doing everything for them.
Mrs. Rubenstein’s solution (poor Mr. Rubenstein), is to force the man to do more of the jobs she wants him to do. As she complains about how he doesn’t handle the endless activities and chores she engages in, it becomes quite clear that Mrs. Rubenstein – and not Mr. Rubenstein – is the one who sees these things as important. He doesn’t do these chores or take on these projects because they were not his idea in the first place. But to Mrs. Rubenstein, and to millions of wives around America, that is not the point. Actually, they are totally missing the point.
Rubenstein’s proposed solution is an expansion of the wife’s authority and dominance to deal with the problems that very dominance has created. This is just another “women take charge” push like all the others we have come to be so familiar with. Is it any wonder that men drop out of family life when women start calling all the shots?
Women are frustrated that men won’t do everything the women want, and all they can see is men being lazy, incompetent and immature. Here is a very illuminating comment on Rubenstein’s website:
what the heck happened?!
my husband was a bachelor for 7 years. he took care of his household, children, bills, decisions, meals, all by himself and took much pride in it. when he came along in my life i was so impressed with his “take charge” attitude! i was so grateful! finally, a man who didn’t mind being a MAN! we’ve been married two years and everything has stopped. he makes no decisions, asks me if he can have something to eat everytime he goes to the kitchen, no longer takes me out. if we go out i have to plan it and yes, i have to drive! i am so disillusioned right now. this man planned our honeymoon! i didn’t encourage this behavior either! everytime he asks me if he can “eat something” i look at him and say, “i can’t believe you’re asking me this, you’re a grown man.” he still does it! what happened?! women (at least this woman) need their men to be MEN!!!
Someone should tell Loren that this is her fault, since she apparently has deficient logical faculties. If he was independent and in charge before she came along, and then shortly after she came into his life he became defeatist and passive, Loren herself is the obvious reason for the change. But does anyone believe Mrs. Rubenstein would ever hold Loren accountable for this? I hope not, because she is trying to sell books and I seriously doubt any woman would pay for advice that blamed them for anything (it isn’t in their nature to seek anything but validation of their behavior, no matter how bad it may have been).
Another revealing comment that happens to be fairly amusing follows:
Are you kidding?
Shoes? She is being told to “ask” before she buys a pair of shoes? This is not nagging, this is controlling, and destined to get worse. If he doesn’t trust her to make a good decision about shoes (of any price) than they really need to sit down and have a serious heart to heart about the deeper issues here.
This is in response to another comment, written by a man, that brings up the problems his wife’s expenditures have introduced into the marriage. It is amusing to me, because my ex had enough shoes to fill a hefty bag when we separated. I always did wonder where all that money was going, and when I cleared out and packed up her wardrobe it became pretty obvious. Nevertheless, women like Carol Austin see spending on shoes as a sacred rite. No wonder men give up. When women place the importance of their footwear on such a high priority what can a man do these days?
This women’s empowerment movement is becoming a farce of itself. Women are superior, so they need to be even more superior, and don’t even think about messing with their shoe budget!
Men, if this is what you want to deal with, by all means be a social conservative and continue to believe the outrageous lies about female virtue. However, if you want true happiness and freedom, don’t even try to cooperate. Set your boundaries and don’t budge one inch. Remember: it is a big world out there, and despite the illusion of endless female opportunity, men can have a great deal of autonomy and choice if they only reject dependence.